raiders/marauders/pirates, and taken to, of course, Ireland as a slave.
His duties were as a herdsman. After six years he escaped to the northern coast of Gaul, hooked up with a priesthood gig, and was re-named Patricius Magonus Sucatus. I would have gone for something more like Bob, or Fred. Maybe Rich - but not Dick.
of Ireland. Patrick was arrested a lot, but always escaped. He traveled throughout Ireland, establishing monasteries and setting up schools and churches to aid in converting the Irish country to Christianity.
He didn't chase the snakes out of Ireland, unless you consider the pagans snakes. He was said to have used a shamrock as an illustration of the Trinity. We celebrate St Patrick's Day not on his birth, but on his death - March 17 in 461 AD.
Sounds like kind of a hell-raiser for a bishop. Maybe he had a lot of scores to settle. Perhaps Hollywood should consider a St Patrick movie, maybe starring Charles Bronson. Call it Saint Death - Blood on the Blarney Stone.
Actually, later on he was pretty well liked. So much so that he accidentally stabbed a prince in his foot while baptizing him, and the prince never said a word about it until St Patrick noticed and made mention of it. Then again, you know that royalty used to inner-marry a lot. That's it for my historical briefing - now let's "Party 'Til We Puke!"
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no." he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking." Thanx To www.zooass.com
"But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs
back home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink
after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've
had enough drink they'll take you upstairs and see
that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims. He swears every word is true.
"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to my sister."
Thanx To Tammy Stuck
"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month".
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say ten Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest asks, "Who is "Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well, "says the priest, "You are forgiven. Go and say five Hail Mary's."
The next morning in church the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon, when suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters.
All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green dress and shoes sits with her legs spread slightly apart.
The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"
The altar boy, whose eyes are popping out of his head, replies, "No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes!"
Thanx To Earnie James
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another." The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
A beer never gets a headache.
If you pour a beer right, you always get a good head.
You can share a beer with a friend.
You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
A frigid beer is good.
A beer doesn't care when you come.
When a beer goes flat you can toss it.
A beer is always wet.
You can have a beer in public.
A beer doesn't get pregnant.
A beer doesn't have parents.
You can say whatever you want to a beer.
A beer doesn't care if you are late.
And you can always have several different beers and not
feel guilty.
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!", Mary said.
The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!
Thanx To Earnie James
it must be drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
An Irishman (Pat, of course) wandered back and forth on the sidewalk into the street; onto the sidewalk and back into the street in front of the pub, hollering and swearing as he stumbled back and forth while holding half a pint in one hand and a key in the other...
A small crowd begins to grow and, finally, the constables arrive on the scene. Seeing that what they were dealing with is one rather inebriated and irate young man, one approached him and asked, "Can I help you
"Yesss, schur," the Irishman slurred. "sshumbody stoll me car!"
"Well now, lad," the constable inquires. "Where was your car last time you saw it?"
At about this time the other cop has noticed that the Irishman's zipper is down -- and it all there to be seen..., so he quietly asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The Irishman looks down, drops his shoulders woefully and moans "OOH ME GOD..they got me girl too"
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"Aye, so I have. It's Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and of course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"
Thanx To Daryl Hillen via http://www.zooass.com
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